Like many people I've been left reeling this week after what happened at Manchester Arena on Monday evening.
I'm sad and I'm angry and as names and ages are being put to such young and beautiful faces, I'm left wondering why in the aftermath of such horrific events it always comes to light that the perpetrator is known, yet has been able to walk around freely choosing where and when to unleash such catastrophe.
Each person feels and deals with things like this in their own way, but this time the candles being lit, self-serving poets reading their work and political and religious leaders standing together spouting forth about the community coming together isn't cutting it for me.
Up north we're known for calling a spade a spade but the truth is we're all wearing gags for fear of being branded racist and politically incorrect.
If there ever was such a thing as a terrorist crossing a line then that happened on Monday when children were specifically targeted. Sadly, I know my hope that this terrible act might just be the turning point in how we deal with these monsters, will eventually turn into the realisation that yet again, we'll choose to remain a country who would rather bleat on about the human rights of these cowards, at the expense of the lives of innocent people.
Our children are growing up in a country that is incomprehensible to me. Letters are being written encouraging them to live life to the full .... because well, you just never know now do you. No child should be brought up with that ethos. As a mum I don't find that outlook on life inspiring I find it sickening. We shouldn't be allowing our children to do what they want and go where they want because in the back of our minds we're thinking they could get shot or blown up any day.
Rightly so, everybody who responded to the incident should be proud of themselves. I hope none of them ever have to go through anything like that again.
Me? Personally, I'm finding it hard to feel any pride in my country at the moment because of the choices it makes on how to deal with certain people and situations for fear of repercussions.
It will be hard to do because we've become conditioned, but we need to get back to calling that spade a spade again.
Thoughts and prayers to all the families affected.